I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances

My mom’s been in the hospital for almost a week. But she’s been sick for much, much longer. She has some stomach thing the doctors can’t figure out. She’s just in the hospital for pnemonia now but she still not coming home yet. They have to watch her because she’s having pains now. She called and told me today, that she was staying another day, you don’t really now how much you abhor something until it’s a consistant companion in your life. I cried, sobbed really.

I’ve said before that I have diabetes, I got it when I was three. I spent a nice majority of my time in a hospital as a kid. Pnemonia, asthma, complications with my diabetes, infections, black-outs, the works. I hate hospital, doctor’s offices aren’t that much better. And I HATE, HATE, HATE doctors. How could I not, you don’t forget childhood tramas. I could’ve died. And I’m glad I didnt’ but it was always the doctors that gave the shots. The doctors that drew the blood. The doctors that held me down when I was four years old and begging them not to poke me again because I’d been stuck with a needles so many times my body was painful to the touch.

Walking the halls of hospitals bring up all those times. I remember last winter I had a horrible migrane. It was a ten on the one to ten charts and it was pushing for a twenty in my mind. I thought I was dying, lol. I thought I had some horrible tumor that was too late to fix and one of the attacks was going to send me over the edge. The trip to the ER was unbearably painful I blacked out a few times in the car between screaming and crying and trying to keep the whimpers to myself. But all I kept going back to was maybe if I take an extra dose of that pain medicine it will all be okay and I won’t have to be in the hospital. Around all the men and women in the white coats.

Well that was long. lol. It’s just killing me. I want her home. I miss her. And I’m a little overwhelmed. I’m a writer so I just had to get out there. Thanks for enduring the long message. Lol.